In yoga, duality is the experience of seeing life as a collection of opposites, BUT choosing…. Oh wait. Let’s try again. In yoga, duality is the experience of seeing life as a collection of opposites, AND choosing to hold these opposites with equanimity. We don’t have to trash one for the other. With awareness we can become spacious enough to live with contradictions. We can grieve and be grateful, love someone and choose oneself, experience fear and act with courage. The possibilities are endless.

In daily conversation, I’ve started listening to the words I use to describe life’s small and large annoyances. When “BUT” plays a part in my narrative, I catch myself. “AND” is a new form of communication that softens my hard edges. I wonder if growth comes not from choosing one side over another, but from learning to hold two truths at once.

This word play is new. I learned it from Nikki Myers, founder of Yoga of 12 Step Recovery. She leads meetings and trainings in support of people who have been affected by addiction. Her premise is that we can experience discomfort without becoming discomfort. How? By observing what happens to us and how we respond.

Now, when I see trees in various states of growth and decay, I practice this principle by not judging one as good and the other as bad. Instead, I inhale AND exhale, expand AND contract, receive AND release. This creates a little space, something central to yoga philosophy. It’s a start.